Harvey Orkin was a writer for the Emmy Award winning Sergeant Bilko show, the sitcom of choice in the 1950's. (If one described it as the MASH of its day, which one considered doing, even that reference would now be greeted with bewilderment by the younger generation who, at least in the area of entertainment, reign supreme among the peoples of the world.) Later, he became an agent for Creative Management Associates (CMA) which evolved into the monolithic ICM. During that period, we moved to London where David Frost and other rising stars of satire such as Peter Cook and Dudley Moore started a Saturday night talk show called Not So Much a Program; More a Way of Life. With its sketches and wry commentary, it functioned as the Jon Stewart of its day. When panelist Bert Shevalov was unavailable for a show one night, (with MASH's Larry Gelbart, he had written for Bob Hope, Red Buttons and that God of comedy, Sid Caesar, also working with Steve Sondheim on A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum,) he recommended Harvey as his replacement. The rest is a footnote to a blip of TV history.
Not So Much a Program was yanked off the air when theater critic Kenneth Tynan said, "Fuck," only to reappear several weeks later under a new name: BBC 3. (At that time, the Beeb had only two actual stations.) A set change, new theme song and a few other bits of window dressing completed the disguise. And now, at last, I get to clarify that in recounting this incident in Harvey's online bio, I did not use the phrase, "The F- word," this demure locution having been furnished by some God-and-internet-censor-fearing webmaster at IMDB.
Harvey was born January 12, 1918, the son of Russian Jewish immigrants. What little I heard about his father is that he had started out as a street vendor of pins and needles, a job he performed successfully enough to open his own shop which grew into a department store on 34th Street. He married Rose Raphael, a buyer at the store, who used to describe watching from her office window as the Empire State building went up. She'd come a long way, this girl from Sioux City, Iowa, where photographs of her childhood home showed her neighbors' tepees in the background.
Jacob was a juvenile diabetic who had had a leg amputated. In what was surely the watershed experience of Harvey's life, before Jacob was to lose an arm as well, he hanged himself in the basement of the house, where he was found by his 21-year-old daughter, Theresa. Harvey was sixteen. (I was once told by a journalist at an ultra-right-wing publication, who was looking for dirt on me to publish in an exposee on 9/11 activists, that Jacob had not only lost a fortune in the Depression; he and Rose had also racked up enormous debts.)
Harvey's uncle Charlie came to Harvey's school saying, "I'm sorry to tell you that your father has died."
Harvey replied, "He killed himself, didn't he?"
Charlie, a charming scoundrel who made a living cheating unwitting marks at poker on ocean liners, then took Harvey under his wing. (Please note that this sequence of events is pieced together from family lore, a notoriously unreliable source, at least in our family, but all we have to go on.) Perhaps this sowed the seeds of Harvey's life-long gambling habit as well as of his friendships with guys who skirted the law. (People used to refer to Harvey and another social charmer, Columbia Pictures President David Begelman, as "the Corsican brothers." Begelman met his undoing, - after Harvey's death - forging Cliff Robertson's name on a check, and would also succumb to suicide.) More obviously, it provided the source for Scuffler, Harvey's picaresque comic novel published, with exquisitely torturous timing, as his inoperable brain tumor rendered him unable to reap any pleasure from the occasion. (To write a comic novel, without regard for the commercial exigencies of the studio, had been his lifelong dream.)
Most deeply, I believe it was his father's suicide, followed by Charlie's influence, that determined Harvey's career as a comedy writer, theatrical agent and TV personality. For he was almost compulsively funny, as though to slow down and be real was to court the void.
People who live with professional comics will tell you how exhausting that can be. The comic is always trying out material on you. What's more, he may consider ordinary conversation a form of failure.
Never once did I hear my father ask someone, "How are you?" It always had to be, "Top o' the mornin' to ya," in an Irish brogue or he'd do some shtick which would reveal the persona he'd donned for the moment to be a pompous fool.
In his twenties, he entered the army, serving as an administrator of a hospital in one of the Dakotas. This surely provided material for the Sergeant Bilko show. I thought I recognized his imprint in the scene where Bilko announces self-importantly, "I'll follow with two feet on the ground." A private calls, "Hey, 'Two Feet on the Ground!'" "What?" "Your shoes." Cut to a shot of Bilko's toes wiggling inside his stockinged feet. Harvey had a recurrent dream of going to a party decked out in a black tie and tux, but barefoot.
When he was thirty-four, he married Gisella Svetlik, who had left school at fourteen to dance on Broadway. Cole Porter told her, "You sing well, for a dancer," before casting her as Venus in Out of This World. They had two kids, me and my brother Anthony.
It was a marriage not without conflict as described in this memoir of my mother's last years, which suggests that Gisella's Alzheimer's or dementia may have sprung from her need, decades earlier, not to see Harvey's numerous "indiscretions" and to forget those she'd been compelled to confront (one of which had resulted in a third bundle of joy in Harvey's life, if not hers.)
In May, 1974, Harvey was diagnosed, as mentioned above, with an inoperable brain tumor. His doctors asked my mother whether or not to tell him and she said No. My brother was too young to be trusted with such a secret so for a while, only she, his sister's family and I knew the whole truth.
When he came home from the hospital, Harvey said exultantly, "I don't have to have an operation!"
"That's wonderful, darling," my mother replied wanly.
"You don't understand - I thought I was going to have to have brain surgery!"
"Good, darling," said my mother.
Harvey didn't say anything, perhaps realizing the true nature of the situation from her weak response.
Periodically in the months that followed, he would say, "I wonder what's wrong with me," and my mother would repeat a mantra about high blood pressure and cholesterol.
At some point, on one of his hospital stays, the surgeon who had opted not to operate stopped by his room and told him to get his affairs in order.
He did, but his fate was never mentioned between us and in a letter to CMA agent Boaty Boatwright Baker, he asks her not to mention his illness to me because I didn't know anything about it.
Although my mother and I discussed chucking my plans to go to Oxford, we decided to maintain the status quo so as not to give Harvey a sense of imminent death. For the same reason, my mother, who'd finally gotten a GED, also stayed the course at her own college, Hunter.
However, it's clear from his letters written after his diagnosis in May, 1974, that at some point Harvey had become fully aware of what was happening, although his references to it are circumspect and limited. An uncharacteristic somberness creeps in as he recognizes that each letter may be his last to that correspondent. He closes with more fulsome expressions of love and even phrases like, "God bless you," although the only time he'd ever mentioned religion before, as John Cleese quoted in a profile in the New Yorker, had been to point out what a lousy subject it made for comedy. (The Life of Brian would soon put the lie to that, however.)
Later in the correspondence, there's also increasing awkwardness with phraseology as his speech grew more halting and incomprehensible, finally ceasing altogether.
November28,1973 London W9, England Dear Big George: Who’s goina to London to live? The undersiqned, of course, with an
entirely new insurance policy that I think you are qoing to want to see, Mr.Consumer. I will be at the Connaught Hotel or can be reached at Columbia
British Productions, Ltd., telephone number xxx from December 8th on
because I am in charge of production for Columbia in the United Kingdom
and Europe. In the name of mercy, Welles, call me from someplace cause I never know where the hell you are. Warmest personal regards, your adoring mother, HJ\.RVEY ORKIN
Augus l6, 1973 % Mr. Robert Wilson Grand Hotel Rome,Italy Dear Rich; Don’t bother to ask me what 1 am doing here because I don’t know and
by “her’e” I mean on this planet. To make it short, however, a month
ago I was sunning mines 2lf at the home of Prof. Sir.A.J. Ayer
and Lady Ayer also known as Dee Wells from Mulberry Street in New
York. They had lent us the joint and as you know from personal
experience, no one says “take my house, I’m a stranger in Paradise” to
Harvey Orkin without he says “all right”. Following so far? Good. So
Gisella and Anthony and I are there sans telephone for about three
weeks having a marvelous ti.me and I go Lo Landres whie they go back to
New York and in London f get Lhenoli.cethal Cartridge Television, Inc.
i.s Mechula, 711, bankrupt. Get the picture? So that night I go to
Freddie Ayer’s for a small dinner party including five other
intellectuals and Frankie Howard who was trying to get Freddie to
challenge the possibi.i.ty that Frankie was Cleopatra reincarnated. Tn the midst of all these festivities there I got a phone call from
Freddie Fields (1 think we can call the act “Ready with Freddie”)
saying that Barron Hilton wanted a Director of Entertainment for the
Hilton Hotels. The rest writes itself. Or rights itself. Well, l want to do
something good. And here is the idea. I want you to play here. It seems
to me that you are happiest, most gratified, really best when you work
with a li.ve audience. Indeed, in a musical, for l remember seeing
Camelot all those times and it never let me down. A good musical play
is,, I think ,the most wonderful scaffolding for a performing artist.
The first play to come to mind was “MyFairLady.” The play has its own
tensile strength, the music is lovely and the lyrcs first rate. Would
you like to play Higgins? Of course, T realize that Rex played it but I
shouldn’t think that would bother you. Tf you’d rather do Camelot, thats fine too or actually almosL
anything you want to do because I know your judgement is impeccable in
these things. The audiences here arc absolutely marvelous and
you really could play hereust about as long or short a time as you
like. You’d be terrific here and we have a wonderful room and a great
crew. And then of course you could do all the rest. mean you could tour
the production, you could film it for cassette etc,etc. We would be
xtremely cooperative in doing and making all these
things. No sense discussing mon8y now bul there would be a lot of it for you. Most of all it would be good. All right now. Your god daughter is at Hunter and last year, which
was her second,Gisella decided to go because…take a breath,
Harvey.•..she had left school at 14 to dance and wanted to get her high
school diploma
so she took examinations, got terrifically high grades in the thing,
had equivalency dipk)ma, and zut, before she know it, my dear Pierre,
she is a freshman in the same college her dau0hter is sophomore in. I
see it as a series, Wally, with maybe a Loretta Young PLAYING BOTH
PARTS! know it’s a departure, but T’ve always been creative and gutsy.
And a realy good sport. Would you like to be my pen pal? Avoisten and I want to run away with him.and they’re not as good as
we are anyway. things, we can deal with the. The women don’t talk to me
What the hel, once we declare Come here, We will go riding into the
mountain’s sunsets and tell lies to each other. Best to you, Bob, Aaron, and anybody else you choose. Love, P.S. I did one day’s work on a film out of curiosity; to see it it is
as tedious as it’s always seemed. It is, I think horrifyingly so. It
could drive a fellow to drink. As r remember Mr. Fry said so well
Tee-De-Um, Tee-De-1.Jm,Tee-De-·.Jm. The stage is the thing,etc.
November 26,1973 c/o Beverly Wilshire Hotel 9500 Wilshire Blvd. Beverly Hills,California Dear Warner: It’s not my place to rewrite the script but here goes some ideas. AsI told you on the telephone you have a line here, it would be
presumptuous of Me to say stronger than you think, but it is stronger
than you express because it is so personal with you. It’s the story of someone who declares what he wants, what he thinks
are in his best interests, and then behaves antithetical to those best
interests because of weakness. That means, that those declarations
should come from this intelligent, young man at the very
beginning. The audience will see youself-defeating, and if that ain’t a
universal theme my name isn’t Adolfo Luque. Lester, of course, should be what you people call a “father figure”
and he should be just as insan aas George who made it work. At least
George thinks so because Lester has a lot of money. Lester thinks George
is making it work because he doesn’t care about money and gets a llthe
tail. In other words, each thinks the other is properly dedicated. Everything else are scenes deriving from this bone construction. The
story should be laid out like the skeleton of a mackerel, or in my case,
a herring. If I qo on, I will be writing the damn thing and that’s not
g,ood.
February 7, 1974 Hr. Robert Redford Dear Robert Redford: I am a two fisted American fag, and Ex-Doughboy which he don’t take
kindly to your slurs on success. In this country, where lets face it you
yourself kicked the habit so it must be okey dory, when you ask a
fellow “How’s Ed Forcline?” and the reply is “very successful”, the
image inunediately is two
cars, swinuning pool. “How’s Brad Karlstern?” “He’s doing very well”.
Same picture. He may be doing nothing well at all. All quite
<langerous. Yester day there was a squib in the Times, wherein they
wrote of Neil Simon "the most successful playwright in the histroy of
the theatre." How do you like
them apples? That tells it all. Success means money only . Did Doc
influence more people than Checkov? Entertain more than Moliere? One
cannot hardly believe what's going on. I long to see you and get all thia going be cause if we do not the
whole thing is going down the tube with our children unable to swim up
stream and more mtaphor than that you have no right to expect from me or
anyone at all. We can can expect anything other than what to do, any
ways. When you are in Los Angeles see aort Sahl his telephone number is xxx
because we all need one another . We must pay attention to that, en
couraging one another instead of wasting time hitting the devil in the
chops. That's simply paying attention to him anyway. Let me know where you are and we will meet in New York or Los
Angeles. Haybc we can meet in Las Vegas, if that's necessary, when Mort
is playing there, or Rio when we abscond with the Columbia funds. "Who
are those zweien (lots
of them in Brazil) gringos at the table counting money and laughing?”
Write when you get work. Harvey “Harv” Orkin
ACME Hardware
Sedalia, MO.
July11,1974 Gentlemen: Why Must M.F.S. retain the dealer concession? What is a dealer concession? It seems to me that your stock keeps going down the drain and now you want to make some more money on that. I don’t like that. Please let me know what you are talking about. Sincerely,
August 23,1974 Mrs.M.A.Richards Dear Angel: Please work out a deal with Keith, who as you wrote me, has taken off
20 pounds because with this little furry animal reunning around in my
head that I wrote you about, they put me on steroids,18 a day to start,
which is what football players take to gain weight and I am like the
most adorable Porky Pig you’ve ever seen. If you could get us in a Waring Blender and
then pour us out you might have two perfect fellows for yourself. SJP is fine, and Jenna will be in Oxford the end of September. I
hope I remember to give her your address but if you do come to England
for any time you can find out where she is from Marit and Sandy. I did see Clive and Valerie in Long Island and with the greatest of pleasure. They are just so nice I wish I saw more of them. An’J’lh>ay,my health is getting better. My book will be out here in October and I miss you awfully much. Love,
Mr. Stanley Daker Dear Stash: The next time you send me a letter that starts “My Dear Harvey” I
will take back all those kisses that you gave me in order to become a
client. I am going into this with David and eter Guber and will get back to you as soon as possible.
Hr. Gregory Holmes B. Litt Dear Mr. Litt: May 23, 1974 Of course, I am able to persuade my daughter, Jenna, to go to your school from Oxford. I would really have it no other way. However, would it not be better for you both if you chose a neutral
college, such as the University of Iowa so that neither of you can
kvetch at the other at times of stress. Please advise by corresponding directly with Herself. Yours truly,
August 15,1974
Don Sipes c/o International Famous Agency Dear Don, I’m sitting in Henry Halper’s this morning with our friend, Sam
Gelfman, when a lady accosts me and says “Aren’t you a friend of Don
Sipes?” “Yes” I acknowledge “and you’re Marilyn’s sister.” She
agrees to that and I go on “I guess you heard about Marilyn and
Don.” “What?” she says, “I haven’t heard from them in some time”
and she looks properly worried. Well, concerned. “Since Marilyn
sold a couple of scripts she got to feeling her oats” I go on” and she
moved out to the beach, Malibu, I believe.” That’s where Harriet went
from concern to orry. I go on” and I understand that she’s going with
Henry Wynberg; well actually, she and Elizabeth Taylor are both going
with Henry Wynberg; alternating or soJl\ething.” With that, Harriet’s face brightened. “low I know you’re kidding me” she says, “because Marilyn doesn’t share anything.” Now Don, all the above is exactly as it happened, and I have
documentation from Sam Gelfman to authenticate it. What I mean is,
there’s:. iarilyn’s own sister talking, so where do you stand. I ran back to the office to call you about this so that you wouldn’t
go home ignorant, so to speak, but I ain’t got your home number so
please send that to me immediately. aeanwhile, hang loose and write if
you get work. Yours sincerely,
March 22,1974
Mr.Terence Hill Dear Terence! I sneaked away for a week in Sarasota, Florida where I was the youngest person there so you could imagine what that was liko. Peter Guber was also away so next week wo will get together and
discuss with you the Sergio Leon Gfilr: tINTO YOUR TEHT I’LL CRFE.P and
the possibility of you and Bud dubbing OR ELSE WE’LL GT MAD. ;:,ook forward to seeing you ooon, and in the mean time beat to you and my neighbor; your wife (that’s a qood title; MY NEIG!fBO.R, YOUR WIFE). Sincerely, HARV.CYORKIN HO:JAM bee:D.Begelman P.Guber N.Broad
See here for further explanation I’m not sure who Edward Nequatewa was; possibly the child my
high school class sponsored for a year or so through an aid foundation,
after which our family kept up the connection. – JO Mr. Edward Neuatewa Dear Edward: Thank you for our letter and please let me assure you that whatever
slip there was between us was entirely my fault and not because of
anything having to do with you.The fact is that I got stricken ill and
shoved into the hospital duringwliich time I should nave been mailing in a
check to help take care of you, which I am happy to continue doing. I had something go wrong in my head, which indeed may be an
improvement since I wasn’t all taat thrilled with my head anyway. It
felt as though I had a small furry animal running around in it but
according to the tests that’s not true,and I am a whole lot better now. So,keep up the good work and you take care of Arizona for me, while I take care of New York for you. Kind regards. Sincerely, HARVEYORKIN HO:JAM BCC: Ms. Nanacy A. Fekete {Enc.check)
February 4, 1974 llr. & ‘1rs. Arthur Lewis Dear Evvie & Arthur: I called you Saturday to say farewell and was happy there was no reply because I was on the verge of tears anyway. It was wonderf l seeing you, but I must say its heaven to see Gisella, Jenna and Avo . Sorry Imissed. Jimmy, but \•1hcn Itold the fanily last night that
Pete had gotten his degree in .1edieval History, although Gisella and
Jenna both asked “what’s he going to do with that?”, Avo get ting to
the core of things like his dad, snapped back “nc will be a part time
knight”. So you got a scholar and I have got Lennie Kent. Love, HO :JAM HARVI:..Y ORKIN
April 5, 1974 Mr. Martin Rosen Dear Marty: Bob Goldston did visit me the other day and Iam waiting for the script at which time we will make a movie of JOSEPH’S MOVE . With the demise of President Pompidou so close to us, we would all
appreciate your cap italizing the first letter of French, even though
it is an adjective. Sincerely, H. O’Rkin HO: JA1. 1
September 19, 1974 ‘1r . Ian Holm ‘Wassal House’
Dear Ian :
As far as I am concerned , to some of us that bricklayer’s experience was a day in the country. What I mean is, like when you have to run the world, have that responsibility, etc., it’s all ups and downs, all ups and downs.
Anyway, it is better than being in the barrel. “lore lated .
In cringing gratitude to you old friend.
From ,
January 6, 1975 Dearest Patsy: I just got back from Florida where Ihad a good rest and Iam now at my desk for the first time in Christ knows how long. Jenna wrote me that you were angry because a few years ago I didn ‘t call you. Darling, Iam sure that
if Roald didn’t give you the messages he had a very good reason in it,
that’s okay, I just want you to know that I called you two or three
times a week and left messages and that’s all Icould do then. Unless I am confused you have had Jenna there and I am so delighted:
two of the three girls Ilove more than anything on earth. Istill relish
the hour we spent alone in the hospital and further hours after wards. Okay, kid, I’ll start back to work now and send you all my love . Fondly, HO :JA.41 Hi”\RV:CY ORKIN”
THE STUDIO
PETER GOBER NEW YORK OFFICE HARVEY ORKIN JANUARY 27, 1975 Dear Peter: I saw THE RITZ the other night which got reviews like so many other
plays •••people loved it or hated it and, of course, its like a lot of
plays, its got a lot of good in it and some bad. I am just not sure it’s
for us, in fact, I think it isn’t. Then I saw ALL OVER TOWN which is brilliantly directed by
Dustin Hoffman and written by Murray Shisgal however, I don’t think it’s for us.
Saturday I went downtown to see THE SPONSOR which is really a brilliant
two character play (Eli Wallach, E. G. Marshall and Betty Guard filling
in about one-sixth of the show at the be ginning and end) in a way
reminiscent of LUV. It’s really quite good but here again I can’t see a
two character play going into the movies without a lot of effort on our
part first. Now this is just a hurried up review to see if you ‘re inter ested
and I am going to follow up some thoughts if you are but by that Imean
I’d like to fill in with what you know yourself. Kind regards. Sincerely, HARVEY ORKIN HO:JAM
cc: Messrs. D. Begelman
R. Heller
C. Johnes
N. Broad
How could I have forgotten Joan Littlewood? We’d gone out with
her on a boat in Cannes, where we ran into a storm which I later
learned had been unusually treacherous. Even the captain, (Joan’s
partner, Jerry) threw up.
I did go see her as per the goad below. She was busy arranging a
game for kids at a street fair in the East End which was supposed to
facilitate their ability to read. Lionel Bart was there too, just
hanging out. I hadn’t seen him since he lived around the corner from us
in a house that was surely his childhood fantasy come to life with
endless places to hide including a bathroom that was entirely covered in
mirrors; even the floor and ceiling. There the hider found herself
fumbling for the door since there was an infinite number to choose from. With him at the street fair was a woman dressed in a large
green tutu who went by the unforgettable name of Matilda Battlefield. –
JO January 28, 1975 JENNA, JENNA, JENNA, JENNA , JENNA and a JING, JING JING: You know what you might do, egghead, and just do it if you want to
••.not as a favor to your poor, odd dad; call Joan Littlewood and see
her. She’s really out from everybody else and is a great favorite of
mine, from her you can only learn. Do you remember her at all? But, if
you have the time you could see her. She’s really the kind of woman you
just can learn from in England. I am sure you know what we are doing here, your mother works from
morning until night and still doesn’t quite know what she wants to do,
which makes it very difficult as it does with us all except those of us
who are dedicated to being short order cooks. Which brings me to your brother whose wish is to be either an
astronaut or a short order cook. He also is now playing with being a
magician but I don’t think that’s going to last. Then you have your dad,
who is inspite of everything else supporting this Goddamn family with
his own very hands. Everthing I hear about you is so lovely and so good that I realize I am being lied to by my very own friends . Well, sugar, that ‘s 30 for tonight and I sign off with all my love.
To Sandy Lieberson
Mr. Sandy Lieberson Re: “BROTHER CAN YOU SPZ\RE A DIME” Dear Sandy: Why you made the whole trip over here, ran around the city, then
finally got to The Woman’s Echange but failed to go upstairs is
something I will never understand but I suppose can be explained by your
defiant nature. What do you think they exchange at The Woman’s
Exchange? Right ! Hell, I went to see my friend Zero Mostel yester day and brought up
Sammy’s Roumania, he exploded and said that “ne won’t walk into the
place because he is loyal to the original which is across the street”. All the trouble you get me into, Sandy. Jenna leaves for Oxford tonight, the way I figure it She will be tearful on your doorstep in 2 1/1 weeks. Okay pal, I called David last night and told him how highly I thought
of the picture you and David Put nam made. He wants it out there so
everybody cannsee it, and I told him you would let us know when you’re
ready. I have a good feling about the film not only because I think it
was well done, but as an old press agent I am telling yo it could be
marketed as the timely piece it is. d there is no reason to do it at all
if we don’t do it that way. So please, please keep me posted and I’ll
do the same for you. Heard last night that Gay Lib has formed an alliance with the Mafia
but part of the deal is that when the Mafia gives the kiss of death they
have to have a dinner and dance first. It was lovely seeing you but don’t come over again unless you stay
north of 14th Street because I had to buy a whole new wardrobe this
morning. Love to you and David, Marit and the kinder. Don’t forget that Jenna has 6 weeks off in the winter and does speak
Welsh, so she can take care of your house there. Well, it’s not exactly
Welsh but what do they know. Love, HARVEY ORKIN
January31,1975 HOLIDAY IN LONDON! Orkin leaves town. Arrives in New York, spins around three times and
is in hospital for four weeks. Out of hospital, into hospital, out of
hospital, into hospital, out of hospital with a total lack of memory. HOWEVER! Am back now and would like to see you, so why don’t you call my
secretary and make an appointment and see if we can tie up old things if
there are any. Kind regards. Sincerely, HARVEY ORKIN
March 6, 1975 Well My Darling Jenna: I see all the mail corning in for Mommy and perhaps a letter or two
for Avo, not a thing at all for Harvo. That’s okay, that’s okay. I
bundle my collar around me in the frost of the night and look through
the window to where your dancing inside. That’s okay, that ‘s okay. Because that’s all daddies are for. I make a pretty penny out of it
as time goes on.You’ll be pleased to know that I call Teddy every day
telling here how well I am, how happy I am, how delighted I am to which
Teddy involuntarily says every day “I’ve such trouble! My health is no
good! Etc. !But I go on and On.”Jenna darling, she’ll dance on our
graves but dots the way it goes. We have lots of pictures coming out and I think they are all very
good. My God, I sure hope so. Not that I care, but it’s a living. Peter Sellers just phoned, if you have time you give him a call and
stop by and see him. He’s very attached to our family and he’ll move
right in with you. He’s a great pal and you’re a great gal and you and I
are lovers forever. Your Loving Daddy,
Mon Cher Beaty (That means My Dear Beaty. Get it!): Gisella and I went to the opening of FUNNY LADY last night which was a
triumph, al right it wasn’t a triumph but its going to own the world.
Afterwards we went to a party Ray Stark gave at the El 11orocco. And
still I write to you. When Gisella and I walked in,a woman threw her
arms around me and hugged me and I hugged her and it was Lauren Bacall
whom I haven1t seen in a couple of years, although I have known her for
30 and it was a very nice feeling. Den (Then) Gisella and I sat down, it so happened dthat it was the
table next to Barbra where Gisella brought me Chinese food (I don’t know
why I am telling you all this, a stranger) and after exchanging vows
with our masterful agent whose name I can’t remember an aca-.rlll:xlle
lot of other people whose names I can’t remember I said to Gisella,
‘Let’s blow this joint.” and so we headed for a restaurant
across the street from where we lived, went in there to find out it was
closed and went home happily to have some Rice Crispies. I say happily, Boaty, because after the first time in 9 months I
slept through the night, and kiddo that’s soething. Of course, don’t
tell this to Jenna she doesn’t know anything about what I have had but I
do feel better and I thought this morning I would be well and jump on a
plane over to you. By the time you get this you will have a whole collection of people there for FUNNY LADY. I just want you to behave yourself, just pinch David who is a Sterling character and leave everybody else alone. He’s really doing the most wonderful job here arxlIa I’m so proud of him but I think I’11 let him go. In other words, don’t about anybody else, just take care of my David With all due respect, I remain, Cordially yours, HARVEYORKIN
March 17, 1975 Patsy Dearest: Boaty Boatwright sent me a two page layout of Tessa and I can tell by
looking at her that she’s sad because she wants me but she can’t have
me because I am Gisella’s and yours and that ‘s plenty. Does she really
look like that? I am finally losing my baby fat, and in a couple of weeks I should be
in charge of the motion picture industry and you will no a major star
and Iwill be hipky dripky and we will take our families up the river
and down the stream laughing and scratching all the way. A kiss for you, and toodle-co. All my love. Fondly, HARVEY ORKIN HO:JAM
Harch 19, 1975 Re : “THE SEAGULLS OF 19 33” Dear Old Jerry: Why is it that Icannot remember anything before three vcars ago, yet
seem to think that I read TH SEAGULLS OF 19 33 about that time? Is it a
new script or an old one, I swear I could have read it. Now, darling Jerry, Isuggest you don’t approach Sellers with
something in which he plays not the main part because like all actors
he’ll say he ‘ll play anything but he really does like to play the
starring role. Of course, Icould be wrong about this but Idon’t think
Iam. You can’t show him something where he doesn’t get 1/2 a million or
more or less, at least that’s the way Isee it. It’s quiteaggodi script, however, and indeed well worth making a
picture out of and we’ll talk about it when you get here. I suppose by
then you’ll have a list which should in clude some excellent players
which we can put together; per haps like Albert Finney. Of course,
that’s asking a lot. But you can take it down a peg and have a terrific
company. i'<iore later. All my love . Fondly,
February 7, 1975 Dear Dodo: I never got any mail from you but I’ll send you a note now and explain why thaa’s possible. POSSIBILITY ! About seven months ago I spun around three times, went down and was
taken to the hospital with something that I can’t remember and that’s
what it was; lack of memory. I got a lot of treatment and then was
released only to spin around again, I think in the other direction about
five months later and into the crapper I went where I got shot in the
head, the ass and everywhere else and released about four weeks later. Then, I went in again and this time I was nigh unto death, which is a
good expression. I have been out now for a few weeks and am as weak as a
kitten and have absolutely no memory at all. How do you like them apples? How is Ted and how the Hell are you? Is your house still beautiful;
are there flowers on the trees? Conversely, are there trees on the
flowers. My mother is 90 years old and playing hockey with the Rangers this
may come as some surptise to you as it did to me but she al ways had a
great source of energy. Toodle-Ooo to you and your estimable husband. LOVI:,
February 25, 1975 Dear John: I have been watching your show with all the best interest here, as
indeed has my son. I got flattened about six or seven months ago; three
trips (count em 3) three trips to the hospi tal and am now just about
wiped out. HOWEVER. I am getting there, but I just wanted to tell you how much my family and I enjoy your voik. God bless you — an<l with a touch to his forelock Orkin slunk away. Love to you and your wife and anybody else around. Kind regards. Fondly,
March 12, 1975 Dear Jenna: I have written Stanley Baker and Sandy Lieberson to lay off you that
way I think you’ll be either safe or sorry. God knows whibh it will be. Now to the important part, absolutely have Tureck read the book and
tell her to clap her hands and cheer me . As fpr my favorite dish, you
go into Pomfret’s, which is not at all the name of the joint that this
thing is in but I think you know the store I mean and you can get me
some wild fruit including stromberries and a few oodies like that. They do have exotic fruit which I would like, like apples. When eu come back you’ll find Ave much taller but still the shortest
boy in his class, don’t akk me how that happens, but it just does. I
don’t know whether it’s us but he docs seem awfully bright an<l he's
as sweet as a cow bell. I don't know how sweet a cowbell is. Hhen you see Beaty give her a big hug and a kiss for me . I saw
Lauren Bacall last night, who through her arms around me and tried to
beat Boaty's time but nobody can do that . We saw FUNNY LADY last night
and went to the party afterwards, which was mobbed but, of course,
everybody wanted to embrace me even though, of course, they didn't make
any pass at it, of course, I knew better. I love you with all my heart.
Albert Hackett and his first wife, Frances Goodrich, wrote the
screenplays for the Thin Man series, It’s a Wonderful Life and The Diary
of Anne Frank, among other films. Albert became my mother’s second
husband in 1985. – JO
April 18, 1975 Dear Mr. Hackett: I don’t know if you will remember me but I met you last night and
heard your beautiful voice. Perhaps, we could make an arrangement for
the next year for you to sing around this country, your wife could hum
in the background and I say to you, Mr. Hackett, it will be a taste
thrill for America. As Isee it we’ll get you a red cap, a white shirt and blue denim
pants and I say it spells listening pleasure Mister for all and sundry. Don you agree? Well, don’t you agree? Ilook forward to your response with anticipation. Yours very truly, HARVEY ORKIN
Let it be said that for all his later transgressions
which gained him such notoriety and ended in his suicide, David Begelman
was a loyal friend to Harvey, among others. – JO
THE STUDIO
DAVID BEGELMAN
NEW YORK OFFICE HARVEY ORKIN
MAY 2,1975
PERSONAL & CONFIDENTIAL
Dear David:
I’m feeling much better now and have been in the office about six
months without being out any day of that time. All the British
people come in and New York artists such as Pat Neal, Pete Sellers,
Aaron Ruben, Jerry Davis, Ed Scherick, Marty Bregman, Sandy Lieberson,
David Putnam, Joe Janni, Paddy Chayefsky, Walter Bernstein, Zero Mastel,
Robert Alan Aurthur, Henry Ephron and many others.
I know how you think of me and you know how proud I am of you and I think now I can do more work besides what I do to help you.
Now I know and others know I can’t make complete decisions myself, but I’d like the right to negotiate.
GET THE PICTURE? Of course you dew.
I shtill don’t talk midout an accent, but I’ll capture anybody’s attention. Of course I will.
Kindest personal regards.
Fondly,
HARVEY “ORK” ORKIN
IIO:JAM
May 7, 1975
My Darling Jenna:
And by the great Lord Harry you are just that!
Your mother I don’t see or hear because she’s in the middle of exams.
I remember her well though, at least I think I do and as soon as she is
through with classes we will embrace each other and say “Sarah and
John”.
Anthony, who wakes in the morning and makes us breakfast and comes
home at night in time for dinner is quite serious and we have lovely
conversations . Sure we have lovely conversations, but he always wins
them.
I am working on a play that I wrote about 20 years ago and which Dob
vlhitehead called :me on and said let’s do it over and see what we can
make of it. As a :matter of fact, it ‘s rather amusing but I am not sure
it ‘s serious enough.
Bob Aurthur was at Attica Prison doing research in lovely downtown
Buffalo and he wastsn the prison library, turned around and saw
“SCUFFLER” and he asked the guy “How does it move?” the guy said “WG
can’t keep it in stock, everybody here w;:ints to read it=” So, that’s
where your father is a big shot and well entitled too also.
Annie Jackson just called and said that you hadn’t seen each other
but that you were doing very well. Naturally you’re doing well, your
Scuffler’s daughter.
Gee, that’s a good title!
My health is absolutely on the up-beat and the girls are after me again. Oh, what a pain in the ass.
How do you stand for scratch? Please let me know if you need some.
not that I’ll send any but it will give us something to converse about.
A tout a l’heure.
HO :JAM
Love,
ha,Johnny just back from fair with new ribbon. And so where was
I•••oh yes, Gully in NYK. Well there’s not muoh to add exceot they went
to visit her grandparents(he is 101 and she is 96•••no, honestly, no
kidding)and had to drive up(to Brewster, this feudal vill&ee they
sort of’ own) in her father’s 1949 London taxi,which is the only car the
mniac has in NYK•••do keep an eye out for it, he drives it around quite
insouciantly wearing hia fur Davy Crockett type cap and sometimes
in highly imaginative whimsical momenta puts the FOR HIRE sign on (can
you imagine being married to someone like that•••well neither could I,so
I called my lawyer) :But•••apikking of oare•••I will certainly get in
touch with the Morgan people (and curiously I know just where they lurk
in London) and get the list you ask f’or•••though I rather suspect these
intensive care units will be tew and far between. As indeed are Morgana
too,which is why. Hylan delighted you are still wearing the jacket
•••he has been v. busy lately and has lots of work but nothing his heart
is truly in and he still wants to go back to the U.S. -I know nobody
who actually lives there thinks thats a good idea but honest to god
cross my heart and hope to die if I tell a lie, this country is fast
becoming impossible. Insanely expensive. Inefficient. Uncomfortable. I
know its lovely to visit, but to live in •••aaargh; it costs as muoh as
NYK (and houses cost even more than NYK- what is 100,000 there is
£100,000 here) and yet people earn only about half as much as they do in
NYK•••• and the taxes here, just to make it really fun, are much
higher. No I know its boring but that’s the gods honest truth and the
gods honest truth is always boring. Jet•assure. Also v. little turn-on
here for us wild eyed madly creative beings•••• we need lights,
laughter, excitement, swimming pools(the Ansonia Hotel. What•••
where•••is the Ansonia Hotel, I do keep hearing the most extraordinary
stories about it) My plan, my own plan as distinct from Hylan doing his
M. Luther King act of “Ah got a dree-um” is to let that hovel in France
to some unsuspecting rich millionaires for June and JUly and take me
and Nic now deep into punk…) to Los Angeles and hire a car so we can
drive to the Grand Canyon and all the places around i\that I’ve only
ever seen in the Nat’l Geographic. Just Nick and me. Oh well maybe Hylan
too••• if it fits in with his dree-um. So depending on whether
splendid Mr. Laker gets his franchise for a LA flight we just may be
coming through NYX in late July•••but it even more depends on whether I
find renters for the house. Do tell me if you know of any or just
happen to meet any (at,say,the Ansonia Hotel)it will be nice and cheap
(as well it ought) 500forJune. 600forJuly. Sleeps 8. More if they’re
into Ntur is mor better still, incest. Oh a lot of rich millionaires
are, don’t you try and tell me they live the clean blameless lives we
do because !£ they do (whioh they don’t) then how’d they get so rich,
just answer me that. I’m sorry you found gainful employment a drag but
that is, alas, exactly what it is. But now that you’re a shut-in again
I’d be awfully grateful if you’d have a nice (a pinter•••painter,
goddammit) over for a thimbleful of dandelion wine. His name is Daniel
Lang(a v.good painter too,has pix in the Mus.of Mod.Aht & plenty
other places too) and he is at moment of no fixed address but can be got
by a little note o/o Fischbach Gallery, 29 West 57th. Do. He’sr eally
nice. Comes!::’om·’i'”‘”-‘ what the hell look where you come from. rier
about Mr. Begel-man though than abo·1t.Y • sound such a sad
sad—·-sorry: mesa. haven’:t Be.el-u.cgrandMl:..Lieberaons. in oe his beatification buti<vfsFOaDwHrJ;lu>C…,Lly good news. I will hear more I hope when I see Boaty•••she and I are on some committee
to save the Royal Court(the theatre, Gisella, the theatre) and so I
shall be seeing her as from the look of that plac.ewe..’d111;t>6ter
retbart>.oaa’9dn@rjTQUldfast.I Only wish somebody’d get a committee for me dto save Boaty and me, now there’s a real ohallen . Muchmuchlove from